I'm in this for the ice cream.

My girlfriend ("female friend" I should say; I'm straight) occasionally leaves me magazines she's finished on my back porch. Isn't that sweet?

Okay, so she left me Cosmopolitan. Here--and I kid you not--is an actual quote:

"Barely-There Cheeks
The focus is on eyes and lips this season, so cheeks should be subtle. Try a nude cream blush under your base. . ."

Okay. . .I'm sorry. A "nude cream blush under your base"??? Who on God's Earth would bother with such a thing? How many things are wrong with that??

I don't even wear BASE! A nude cream blush. God help us all.